


Imaginary Boundaries

by surskitty



Series: Step Aside and See the World [14]
Category: Subarashiki Kono Sekai | The World Ends With You
Genre: Age Difference, Conductor Neku, Dubious Consent, M/M, Mind Control, Psychological Grooming, Psychological Horror
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-08
Updated: 2018-08-08
Packaged: 2019-06-23 14:34:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15608385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/surskitty/pseuds/surskitty
Summary: Joshua likes playing with his toys.  Joshua doesn't know what he wants.Set after Nothing Within Vanity.  May or may not make sense without longfic context.





	Imaginary Boundaries

**Author's Note:**

> Note those tags. Note also it's set after 300k words of character development, so Joshua and Neku likely both sound odd. Here we are anyway!

Joshua’s always loved power, and even years after he’s stolen it, he still cherishes the moments he gets to **use** it. Neku is his now, as surely as his career reapers, and he watches the boy feign normality with a tension they’d both deny. When and how far and how much – he trusts his conductor to listen before he speaks, but he’s not yet Joshua’s right hand.

That will change, he knows, and faster with the work Joshua’s done than it would have organically. Fast enough he may even tolerate some of Joshua’s idiosyncrasies in more than the abstract, and he basks in the thought, his fingers dipping into his producer’s psyche. Composers are always territorial, but Joshua takes it to an art form, and he grazes Sanae’s sense of what will and could be for the outcome if he … indulges.

His proxy never would have accepted it, but his protege – ah, yes. The humans all would find fault if they found out, but these days, his Neku’s nearly as good a liar as Joshua himself and no one would have to know. Joshua could explore both his favorite people together, and perhaps dear Neku will finally realize Sanae’s no competition.

Joshua does so love his job.

He slips back away from his producer once his mind’s settled, Sanae discordant in a way he doesn’t want to think about much, and he tunes down to sprawl over his couch. It’s a lovely couch, even if he’ll have to replace it before next Game, and he’d thank Neku for reminding him he can use it anytime he likes, _if_ the young fool wasn’t out doing … classes. Ugh, university. Joshua never graduated and he’s just fine.

But he only barely tolerates Joshua’s management as it is, so the composer stretches out as much as he can, his toes carefully pushing against the far armrest, and he groans dramatically. He has _work_ to do, but he doesn’t want to. He doesn’t want to do **anything,** except call Neku back home and see what he’d do with Sanae at his mercy, but Neku’s made it very clear he returns to Shibuya on his own schedule, not Joshua’s. No matter how inconvenient it may be, and he conjures his cellphone on top of his face.

The useless thing has no true signal, and he groans again as he warps space until the bars appear. Honestly, he’s no idea how humans manage.

No texts from Neku since he last checked, not that he expected any, but he feels cheated all the same. He opens up a new text to send the boy, but Joshua barely knows how to flirt when he can _hear_ him. This ‘leaving Shibuya ward’ thing makes everything more complicated than it needs to be. ` Surprise date night tonight xoxo,` he types finally, and he hits send before he can overthink it. Neku might not even receive it, for all Joshua knows, but the boy wants a degree and freedom and far be it from him to deny him anything.

Even if it is a waste of his talents, and he tunes back up to his natural frequency to subsume himself in his work. Neku replies eventually, as sloppy about it as ever, but he’s neither home nor saying when he will be, and so Joshua doesn’t reply. He leaves his phone off often enough.

He hears when the kid’s back, though he keeps his reaction appropriate to his station. Light and easy, that’s the ticket, enough Neku shouldn’t notice his prying, and he forces himself to be proud of the boy for speaking to someone else’s reaper. He’s not _dirty,_ no matter how much it makes Joshua itch, and no one else will hear it on him after he’s visited Joshua again.

Whenever that happens to be.

He’s less patient than he should be as he returns to his work, not at all wondering what Neku could be _doing_ that takes so **long** in that silly apartment, and he trips a litterer. Some people need public disapproval or else they’ll never change, and he imprints on them that perhaps they should pick that back up, hm? Then he’s nudging some Australian tourists, helping them recall the sights instead of the mosquitoes, and he reminds himself he loves his job. He does, truly, all the little memory alterations and flashes of inspiration, and it’s hours later before Neku deigns to show himself.

` Sanae,` he calls easily, and the angel tunes up and back down to outside the lounge door. Pretensions of politeness, Joshua notes inanely, but he appreciates it all the same. It gives him time to pick an appearance and adjust his frequency, relearning the feel of the body he met Neku in. He wears it so little, even if Neku thinks otherwise.

Neku will be here soon, and if he can’t greet Sanae, he’s clearly in no shape for his dear conductor. But he does want to follow through on his plan, and he pads over to the door to let his producer in, careful to keep his feet from falling through the floor. The angel waits for him to step aside before entering, and he’s always so beautiful, the culmination of everything Joshua’s ever wanted to be.

Perhaps he should have set his sights elsewhere.

“You’re wearing shoes indoors,” Sanae says in lieu of a greeting, and Neku must be rubbing off on him because Joshua’s honestly irritated, no matter that they’re only separate when Neku drags Joshua out of his city. He fixes his footwear and watches the angel warily, uncertain.

But Sanae is only ever himself, and Joshua’s restraint is only so strong. He moves in for an embrace and Sanae lets him, his chest firm under Joshua’s forehead, and Sanae’s so careful as he rests his hands on Joshua’s back. Their psi intertwines so easily, and yet neither of them make that step, old betrayals fresh in Joshua’s mind.

He buries his head in to shake it away, and Sanae pets him without being ordered. The fear doesn’t quite leave, but it’s less, and he stretches up to pull him into a soft kiss. Pointless, when both of them are what they are, but it helps him calibrate what a body _should_ feel like, Sanae’s stubble rough on his chin. He wants him on his knees, or gone forever, or always where Joshua can find him.

Neku was less wrong than Joshua thought, but all three of them let emotion get in the way of what must be done and Joshua thinks he may have Neku do some work on him in return. Sanae does what he does for the greater good and the good of society; he’s even less of a person than Joshua himself, and there’s no point judging him by human mores. You might as well rage at the clouds.

Moving them both to the couch takes only a thought, Joshua’s home so subject to his desires, and he pushes Sanae down into the fabric as he conjures a knife to hold at his producer’s collarbone. He wants leverage, and he wants power, and he wants to lose himself in sensation so he doesn’t have to think, but even this feels empty and he stops shy of killing the man.

Not that Sanae minds. “You’ll feel better with the kid here,” he says quietly, gently taking Joshua’s hand and guiding him away from the throat, and playing with him didn’t even seem fun today. Joshua nods shortly, then shifts to sprawl all over him, his back up and ripe for massaging as he keeps his wings firmly away. Sanae obliges, nothing if not reliable, and they stay like that until Neku’s at the door.

Joshua listens with a sigh as the boy types in the necessary _shi fu ya ku_ to unlock it, and then he’s stepping all over Sanae as he cranes back to see his visitor. Neku gives him a short wave, and Joshua scrambles up over the couch, falling clumsily in his haste to greet him. All a show, of course, but the boy’s amused even if he keeps a straight face, and he pretends to be a pile of limbs enough for Neku to pull him up.

“My savior,” he quips, and his Neku is so fondly exasperated that it’s simple to nudge him down and into a kiss, Joshua’s hand going straight for the boy’s ass. He’s such a good child, and he’s been speaking to humans more now that Joshua’s pulled some of the noise out of him.

He’s already doing better, and Joshua loves him, loves him enough he’ll wait a good long time before trying again, if the boy says no. He wants them both so badly, however, and he kisses his Neku like he’s no idea when he’ll get to again. The boy thinks of it like he always does, amused and bemused that Joshua gets like this every time he goes anywhere, but he goes along with it and he doesn’t notice Sanae, so Joshua won’t complain.

No, he won’t complain at all, Neku intent on him like he should be and delightfully bitey, and if he didn’t know the boy still thinks of himself as human, Joshua’d drop right down to his knees to get him crying out for him. But dearest Neku thinks there’s reasons he shouldn’t stay in divine ecstasy in service to his god, and so Joshua keeps his restraint, long enough for Sanae to wolf whistle and Neku to very carefully not panic.

The lack of panic is a good start, but he can do better, and Joshua pulls up Neku’s awareness of Sanae’s nature. Privacy is a human concern, dear boy, and the young reaper rationalizes it just as he ought to, pulling back as he looks at the angel like a particularly unruly piece of furniture. “Shouldn’t Josh have kicked you out?”

Ah, and it’s Joshua’s responsibility to explain. Of course. “I thought we might ‘broaden our horizons,’” he says lightly, the finger quotes making him let go of his beautiful conductor, and the boy’s lips thin. Oh, don’t be like that. “Expand your world, Neku!”

“I’m leaving,” Neku states, but he doesn’t move and Joshua doubts he will. He’s such a good boy. “Why are you indulging him?” he asks the angel, and Joshua keeps his face innocent, no matter how smug he feels.

“Boss likes his favorites,” Sanae says, shrugging over the back of the couch, and perhaps he could do with a little _less_ honesty. “I say no, he sulks all week. You say no, he sets it aside 'til the next time he’s got a fool idea. You’re the one who’d need convincing anyway, kid.”

Neku absorbs that with rather more gravity than it requires, but Joshua supposes one of them ought to be serious. The boy looks like he wants the fish to tell him how to respond, and Joshua studies his face, the changes in his former proxy endlessly appealing. He’s grown out of his old baby fat, his jawline strong and sleek, and the UG substitutes for contacts so well. His hair might need a trim again, but Joshua supposes he can’t micromanage him _too_ much, and Joshua keeps his manner carefully earnest for when Neku deigns to acknowledge him.

“He’s not my type,” he warns, but Joshua can taste the concession and he tackles him, determined to make the boy know exactly how Joshua feels. Neku’s face belongs in Joshua’s face, and he’ll nibble the boy’s lips until he lets Joshua stick his tongue in, claiming him as firmly as Joshua desires. He tastes so good, a memory of home cooking behind his teeth, and he’s learned to yield as his composer has his way with him. Joshua makes it worth his while, of course, but the submission is nearly as good as knowing it’s _Neku,_ the boy he trained to care and to kill who didn’t take the shot when he had the chance. Even now, Joshua doubts he’d shoot if Joshua pleaded, and that’s the tastiest thing of all.

Neku pushes him away eventually, his dick achingly hard from what he picks up of Joshua’s desire, and Joshua obediently gives him a bit of space, though he’d rather wrap his fingers around him. “I didn’t say yes,” Neku says, like it matters, and he runs his hand through his hair, tired. “Why do you even _want_ to?”

What a strange question, like Neku hadn’t also fantasized about Sanae’s lithe body and artist hands when he was younger. They’re three very attractive individuals and it would be a waste to let them all rot, but he says none of this.

No, instead he glances sidelong at his producer and brushes his psi against him, just enough to hear the angel’s soul. He’s as large and fine as he always is, unfailingly devoted to the greater good, but Joshua can taste where his Falling left holes, no matter that he’s no longer on probation. Where Joshua’s trust in him has eroded, and he sends the sensory impression to his conductor. “We’ve been fighting like a cat and dog,” Joshua says lightly, not reacting as Sanae looks back at him, and he thinks Neku may understand.

It takes him time to reply, but humans are always slow and Joshua can be patient. “You really bunged the monkey if you think I can fix it,” he says eventually, and he’s so cute Joshua wants to ruffle his hair.

“I’m always in need of a cat’s paw,” he admits, and Neku smiles at him. How Joshua manages to upset that boy, he has no idea; he’d gladly erase anyone else who did so.

`Puppy kicker,` Sanae agrees, and some days Joshua would very much like to tear his producer’s throat out. “I’m gonna cook dinner while you two sort this out, yeah?”

“Thank you, Sanae,” he says, voice dry, and Neku snorts. He shouldn’t know about Joshua’s irritation, but ah, of course: the boy finds his mercurial nature amusing in itself. Joshua ducks his head, but then Neku’s finger is under his chin pulling him right up and he swallows unnecessarily. Even with Joshua’s influence, the boy has spunk, and he can’t shake the fear he’ll step too far and even Neku will leave.

But his Neku isn’t angry, and he wraps one hand around Joshua’s jaw as he leads them both to the couch, Joshua’s steps unerring as he goes backwards. His hand is warm, though it may simply be nostalgia for before Joshua ruined him, and Joshua lets his body quiver to get the boy to stroke him, deliberately gentle.

Pain would be preferable, not this coddling, but the dear boy doesn’t understand and Joshua can’t bring himself to explain. He only leans forward to get Neku’s fingers into his hair to pet him properly, and they both sit down, Joshua immediately taking the chance to remove Neku’s personal space. Pet him. Pet him more.

It’s really very easy to keep Neku’s focus on Joshua and Joshua alone, and he basks in the idea of doing this _all the time._ It would get boring, of course, but Neku’s distracted by the most inconsequential of things; he’d still let him go on occasion. He edges against his conductor’s side, and then onto his lap, careful to keep his body nice and heavy so that Neku can **feel him** like the scoundrel he is.

“You’re incorrigible,” Neku says, and Joshua fluffs his wings out into his face. Truthfully, he’d rather groom Neku than let Neku groom him, but he has to show Sanae how much he doesn’t care about his myriad betrayals _somehow_ and leaving himself vulnerable is infinitely preferable to risking Neku, even if his Neku is perfectly safe. It’s the principle of the thing.

Unfortunately he thinks Neku may have heard him, or simply drawn his own conclusions about his composer’s motivations, and so he feels psi twist down their pact and force his wings away. Pity, he thinks, and he presses his head against his conductor’s neck like a movie ingenue, nibbling at the pulse point as he shifts his weight over his groin, and even being a reaper hasn’t made Neku _dead._ He shoots Joshua a furious look, but Joshua only blinks languidly and there was no real anger there, anyway. Just familiar patterns, and he’s tentative as he wraps his arm around Joshua and into his hair.

It’s not as good as his wings, but it’s one of the few bits of his physical form he really _likes,_ and the attachment’s enough to let Joshua truly feel it, vibrating quietly. Calm down, Neku; Joshua’ll make an exhibitionist of you yet, but he’ll go slow enough to show there’s nothing to lose. He grinds on him and sucks on his neck, and belatedly asks Neku silently if he wants Joshua to mark him. _Not today,_ he gets back, and he heals what could have been a hickey with a thought. Neku’s his either way; he doesn’t need humans to notice for Joshua to keep his claim staked.

“You’re determined today, huh,” Neku says, shifting as he pushes Joshua over to his thigh, and Joshua supposes he is, yes. “We’re not just friends because you get me off.”

“But I like to,” he says back, and it really is that simple. He likes when his Neku’s sweaty and vulnerable; he likes making him feel good. He especially likes when Neku’s too preoccupied to notice what kind of person Joshua really is; it keeps him from running away.

“I like talking to you,” he says, and Joshua wishes he had an easier time believing it. His whole existence is his work, and Neku’s still playing at humanity; they’ve so little to talk _about._ But he knows a lie when he hears one, and the boy thinks he means it, so he settles in to simply enjoy the boy’s presence.

Neku takes longer to relax, considering and discarding possible conversation topics, and Joshua wonders whether Neku feels the light touch of his composer on his thoughts. As soon as the thought crosses his mind, however, Neku inclines a brow and Joshua coughs, covering a laugh. No, his protege isn’t _that_ oblivious, nor is Joshua particularly subtle, and Joshua thinks he likes it this way.

Sanae stops his cooking in the moment of perfection and waits patiently for Joshua to call him, but he’s enjoying himself, and dear Neku’s content, too, Joshua thinks. Neku’s thoughts are a brighter place than they used to be, and the occasional meander to old hurts is easy to divert. He’ll grow bored eventually, however, and Joshua taps the angel’s psyche.

“Your dinner, good sirs,” Sanae says with a mocking bow, quick as anything once he’s needed, and he sets two bowls of chicken curry down before them while Neku tries to wake back up.

As the boy used to be, he’d have been furious at the interruption, but now it simply fails to compute, no reaction more natural than another, and so Joshua takes the lead. He takes one glance at the angel and then points to the floor, his lip curling. _Sit,_ he commands silently, and Sanae isn’t stupid enough to challenge him right now. He sits.

At Neku’s feet, specifically, and Neku looks at them both like they’re insane before eating his curry, slow and deliberate like they’ll be normal if he waits long enough.

“You have no power here,” Joshua tells the angel, voice low, and Sanae only hums. Neku elbows him hard, however – _stop being kinky while I’m trying to eat_ – and he eats, too, though he kicks Sanae in the head a few times. It tastes like Sanae’s cooking, nothing more or less.

Once they’re both done, Joshua takes their bowls and walks over to the kitchen, prim and determinedly normal. “This is the game,” he says when he gets back, lazy even as he pulls enough of his authority into it no one of his UG could ignore him, and it’s so _nice_ to be in charge. “Sanae listens to Neku. Neku, I’m listening to you, too. If Neku decides, you **leave,** Sanae, and you’ll remain gone until I will it. Are we understood?”

Sanae scowls, but he inclines his head all the same. A reliable sort, is Sanae, except when he isn’t, and how dare he **lie to him.** Joshua can forgive a lot, but Sanae — he shoves it out of mind. What’s important right now is Neku’s reaction to his pronouncement, and it’s endearing how surprised he is, that Joshua would leave him in charge. You would think he’d know by now, and yet! It’s truly delightful.

“What do you even expect me to do with him?” Neku says, like it’s not obvious, and Joshua hums noncommittally. “Like, do I need to …?”

“You can do whatever you’d like with him, Neku,” Joshua says patiently. “Treat him like a toy, if you’d like, or hurt him, or send him away, or order him into a form you prefer and use him as decoration. It’s not as though he cares.”

But he does care, Neku wants to say, and Joshua waits for the naivety to pass. He knows better, after all, and he can hear the moment the realisation makes its way in, a line of rests in an unfinished refrain. “He’s really not human, is he,” he murmurs, like any of them are, and Joshua loves him so much. “Mr H.”

“Sakuraba,” Sanae says back, his gaze not leaving the floor, and Joshua’ll kill him if he’s thinking of eating the fish. “The boss knows what I’m like. You don’t need to worry about hurting me, kid.”

“It’s not that,” Neku replies. “Mi – Hanekoma, get up.” The angel does, Joshua’s foot moving to let him, and he stands at attention without Joshua having to instruct him. “What does Josh do with you? Really.”

 _Tell him truthfully,_ Joshua sends him, and Sanae shifts his weight as he rubs the back of his neck, though he isn’t actually capable of embarrassment. It’s a power play, really, Sanae keeping up appearances even when Joshua doesn’t want him to, and Joshua wishes he would **stop pretending.** “The boss does what he wants,” Sanae says simply. “Sometimes he needs a fight, or somebody to talk to him, and sometimes he wants somebody to kill him again 'til he gets his head on straight. Like now, for instance. Right, boss?”

No, of course not, Joshua would say, but Neku’s intent on him and he hates lying to the poor boy. “It wasn’t in my plans today,” he says lightly. It may not be in his plans ever again, no matter how much he’d like to, and Neku gently grabs his shoulder.

“You said I’m in charge,” he reminds him, and yes, Joshua did. He knows that’s a sore spot, however, Neku still too close to the living in sensibilities, and it’s difficult to relax even as Neku squeezes him reassuringly. “I’m not mad at you.”

“Of course not,” Joshua echoes. It’s not like he’s failed to judge people before, after all, but this is Neku.

“You’ll know when I’m mad,” he adds, and Joshua will just have to trust him. He vibrates unconsciously as Neku tries to calm him, and he’s embarrassingly eager to get his wings out the moment Neku reaches for them, no matter that Sanae’s right there. “I got you,” he says, and Joshua stops thinking.

He misses Megumi. Neku as he was didn’t understand, but he thinks he’s given the boy perspective, and Joshua misses Megumi badly, misses that all-too-human desperate need to please and that emptiness Joshua shares. He wanted to be what Joshua needed, and Joshua _hated_ him, inflicting petty cruelties because he could and because Megumi would never hold it against him.

And neither would Sanae, until he did.

Joshua has never been a good person, but he thought Sanae would tell him if he went too far. And then he didn’t. It was Joshua’s own fault, he knows, too caught up in himself to notice when he lost his friend’s support, but still: didn’t Sanae _trust_ him? Didn’t Sanae know Joshua would never deliberately hurt his city? And then they **needed** a united front, but now that Sanae’s off parole …

 _I think I hate him,_ Joshua says, and he’s not obtuse. He knows Neku would feel the same way towards himself if he was given the space and time, and he’ll let the boy sift through his memories if he wants to know how much Joshua – pushed. But it’s different, too, a long friendship changed in the light of betrayal, while Joshua doubts he and Neku have ever been friends, not really. How would they be?

“You’re going to drive me insane,” Neku mutters, and Joshua already has.

But he’s given the boy power, too, and he listens patiently as Neku wraps his fingers and psi around Joshua’s feathers to mould him how he wills. He’s cautious, Joshua feels, in a way Joshua has never been, but he’s not afraid, and that’s Joshua’s handiwork. They’ve never been friends, but Joshua’s let Neku take the lead before and he’ll do it again. He left Shibuya for him, didn’t he?

He did.

Was it that bad?

Yes, and he’ll never – no, back up. Again. Yes, but he’ll – keep going; you want to get there – he’ll get used to it. He can tune his body down; he can practice physicality. He’s not trapped. He can change.

But he has a _duty,_ he thinks, almost frantic, and what if he enjoys himself out there? Shibuya needs a composer dedicated to _Shibuya._ This is his home.

Neku leaves, but Shibuya’s still his home. (But that’s _Neku._ ) Humans leave all the time. Maybe Joshua can – no, no, **no.** He’ll be erased; he’ll lose his district; he can’t; let him – no no no –

He feels Neku release him and if he loved him just a little less, he’d run, tune up to his natural frequency and wipe Neku’s memory of the whole thing. But it upsets Neku when he does that, and he clings to that thought as he tries to calm down, Shibuya nearly as angry as Joshua is scared. He’s such a hypocrite.

He’s such a coward.

“You did nothing wrong,” he assures the boy, once he’s able to control his human-shaped body again, and he’s almost nervous as he checks the boy’s concept of time. He was gone for seconds, not hours, not this time, and he thanks his district so desperately.

Neither of them like his little outings, his brief encounters with flesh and blood like he’s a real human, but his Neku needs to not fear his power. Trying to fix Joshua’s own noise tangles is _right,_ no matter how much his composer hates it.

“Are you all right?” Neku asks, his psi as far from their pact as he can manage, and Joshua gropes for him carelessly.

Good, good boy. He’s so easy to hold onto, and he doesn’t seem to think Joshua’s angry. “I dislike exploring,” he says, an understatement if there ever was one, but he thinks Neku may know what he means. He chose him for a reason.

“You’re more dangerous to humans than they are to you,” Sanae mutters, and Joshua grunts acknowledgement. His activities with Neku merely cemented his tendencies; as composer, he can no more stop frustrating and compelling his citizens than he can swim in the Bay. But he only _wants_ to protect his people; he **needs** to protect his city, and that means protecting himself.

And to protect himself, he needs his Neku. The poor boy’s quiet, shaken by his own actions and Joshua’s reaction, and Joshua checks possibilities before kneeling at Neku’s feet, his head held high. “You did well to try,” he says, and he laces it with the reminder of resilience, that Joshua can fix almost any damage Neku causes so long as he _lets him in,_ and Neku scoots forward to pet his head, uncertain what to say.

He doesn’t need to say anything: his concern is delicious enough, and Joshua closes his eyes in contentment. That’s all you need to do, Neku, and his song loses static as he stops worrying and focuses on Joshua’s soft and eminently pettable hair. Yes, and that spot behind his ear, and Neku need never know Joshua doesn’t feel his body enough to _be_ sensitive. Joshua purrs all the same, performing like he always does, and that bit of satisfaction and amusement – _**very**_ good, and Joshua’s not faking as he nudges Neku into continuing.

“You’re not a dog,” Neku chides, like Joshua would ever pass up an opportunity for his attention, and Neku pats the seat next to him. Oh, all right; Joshua vanishes and reappears on top of Neku, his knees to either side of Neku’s thighs, and that’s not what the boy wanted but it makes it easy for Joshua to tilt Neku’s head up and kiss him again. Firm and a little sloppy (he likes that), and nudge his blood flow, and – Neku shoves him down, though Joshua knows very well he wasn’t unwilling.

No, his conductor simply wants him to mind his manners, and Joshua sits on his lap obediently. Was he too pushy? Mm, perhaps, but from his Neku he picks up awkwardness at being witnessed by Sanae, like the man would ever care. Neku still thinks of him as a mentor, however, and Joshua carefully listens for Sanae’s constant imprint, his song too subtle for even Joshua to register.

Sanae’d be a true terror if he wasn’t so clearly on the side of the angels, and even if Joshua doesn’t always agree with him, he’s grateful the man has no concept of spontaneity. He’s not here; he’s not important; he’s only observing – Joshua _asked for_ him to be here, and still overlooked what he’s doing. ` You could pretend to support me,` he snaps, and the world changes. Suddenly he’s politely distant to respect Neku’s boundaries, not uninterested, and they’re both his peers, not teenagers he’s looked after, and even knowing Sanae has that much control over their impressions of him doesn’t make it easy for Joshua to hold that there even was a shift in his head.

Poor Neku had no chance, and he swallows at the force of the producer’s charm. It’s so hard for the boy to not seek Sanae’s approval, especially now that Joshua’s calmed the betrayed frustration he used to ward it off, and then he has it with only a few words from Joshua. _Sanae is like that,_ Joshua wants to assure him, but not even he knows how to keep Neku from finding Sanae’s power terrifying. Perhaps if he emphasizes that Sanae can’t act against the common welfare – mmm, no, Neku values free will, as he should as Joshua’s conductor. A conundrum.

Megumi would have understood, but Neku isn’t Megumi, and Joshua buries his head into the boy’s chest. That gets Neku’s mind off of Sanae and onto Joshua, where it belongs, and Joshua shares with him the observation that Sanae’s only paying attention to Joshua. That’s not the reassurance it ought to be, however, his Neku looking between them with a guarded thought in his wings, and Joshua dearly wishes he could tear it out and stop Neku from _worrying_ about him like that. He won’t, of course – too much risk of taking something important – but he badly wants to, and he pulls his wings out to fluff up prettily for his Neku.

“You look way too young sometimes,” he mutters into Joshua’s hair, and Joshua hums. “Dude, have you changed since – you know?”

He’s changed his clothes, but he suspects that’s not what Neku means. “This is how I looked when I died,” he tells him, and to stave off corrections from irritating angels, adds: “Approximately.”

“Approximately, huh.” Neku’s considering, and Joshua shouldn’t care either way whether Neku likes his form. It’s only a body, after all.

Even if Joshua’s used this one for decades. “I made a few adjustments,” he concedes, and he knows Neku is going to ask. Neku ought to ask; he looks enough older than Joshua’s appearance to provoke questions, and Megumi found it uncomfortable as well. It’s perfectly reasonable.

But his Neku has enough psi to read the air, and he drops the subject. He’s a good boy, and Joshua supposes he ought to oblige him, even if it isn’t his preference. He never grew up. A bit of shape shifting won’t change that.

It’ll keep Neku from seeing Sanae as a cradle-robber, however, and he statics out from next to his Neku to stand at attention. He gives a little wave, then dissipates into light to make changes. He needs a growth spurt, certainly, perhaps to match Neku like he used to – ah, no, leave the boy with a centimeter over him; it’s close enough to Sanae without overcompensating. And his baby fat has to go: he strengthens his jaw and gives himself some pale stubble, then tones his body to give a sense of mystery. Not too much muscle, however.

He glances over his new body, careful to keep the details out of Neku’s sight, then dresses it. Worn corduroys, a hawaiian shirt, plastic glasses, crocs – he won’t be a runway model, but he thinks it suits him. Especially if he leaves the shirt unbuttoned. Yes, this will do, and he dismisses his privacy glow with a flourish.

“Damn,” Neku says, and Sanae whistles. He’ll be here all night, thank you. “That’s an outfit.”

“I could dress sedately,” he agrees. He still often does, but the person he wants to be with his Neku is not the one who wears only functional blacks and whites. “I think this is more fun; don’t you?”

A glower, which could mean anything, and then he sighs. “All you need is a pompadour,” he grumbles, but Joshua **liked** the seventies and he stills as Neku stands up. His shoes are thicker than Neku’s house slippers, and it’s downright odd to be on eye level with him while obeying gravity, but Neku’s studying his new face and he thinks it meets his approval.

He eases his way into Neku’s thoughts and pushes away a bit of melancholy, the boy wistful about what could have been, and it’s so strange to Joshua how Neku takes this as another introduction, not a simple adjustment. He needs Neku to see him as only ever himself, and he slips in the imprint of Joshua kissing him. Neku’s face heats, and then Joshua’s on him, sloppy and forceful and – oh, he needs to soften that hair a notch – he bites Neku’s lip as the boy stiffens in his arms before reciprocating. He’s the same composer he’s been, Neku.

Neku’s careful, exploring, and his slow acceptance that Joshua is Joshua is Joshua tastes delightful, even if it’s much too slow to draw it out. Perhaps Joshua should – he presses his thigh against Neku’s crotch, and his dear conductor remembers Sanae’s watching appreciatively in time to back off.

“We’re all adults here,” Joshua reminds him, and Neku flushes. What a silly child. “If you truly don’t want him, tell him to leave.”

If only it were that easy. Joshua knows he plays dirty, and he almost feels guilty as Neku tries to fit into his mind an understanding that Sanae is even less human than they are with his old idea of his mentor. He’d tell Sanae to leave if his mind was untouched, Joshua’s sure of it, but now he wants to tough it out, see where his boundaries lie. He won’t expect monogamy from Joshua when Joshua wants Neku to look elsewhere, but he – still doesn’t know how jealous he’ll get over Sanae. Interesting.

`Don't test your toys to destruction,` Sanae reminds him, and he’s certain this won’t break him, thank you! If he absolutely must, he’ll remove Neku’s memory of this evening and implant a simple date, and only Joshua will know the difference. Sanae acquiesces with a silent laugh, and Joshua’s response is admittedly puerile.

But he’s serious for his Neku. “Would you rather go home?” he asks, and Neku jerks up.

“No, I’m fine,” he replies automatically, but he’s still processing and Joshua’s grateful he hadn’t tried to give the boy back his old hero crush. “I don’t get why you --” and he trails off, his hand moving to convey what words can’t. Why he wants Sanae when he’s afraid of him, why he wants Neku to want Sanae, why he wants the angel to pretend when none of this matters to someone like him.

It’s a good question. Joshua wants nothing to do with it. “The boss likes things simple, Sakuraba,” Sanae says patiently. “He likes you, and he likes me, and not much anybody else. If you and me like each other, he’s got his happy family.”

Joshua sniffs; Sanae makes him sound like a child. He’s not wrong, however. “If you’re around, Sanae has reason to behave,” he adds, though truthfully he doubts anything could keep Sanae from betraying him again if he thought it would help Neku’s career. “He’s a tad unpredictable.”

The old Neku would have made a face, only barely restraining himself from bringing up Sanae’s numerous acts of insubordination, but the new one only looks thoughtful. “Is he even interested in me like that?” he asks, looking at the angel in question, and Sanae shrugs.

“Do you want me to be?” he says back, and Joshua chuckles. He doubts Neku has ever experienced attraction as a choice, but that’s how it is for their kind: someone is either appropriate or not, and Joshua would no more desire one of his living citizens sexually than swim to China. “There’s plenty to like about you, Neku; I just ain’t thought you’d want me to.”

Neku bites his lip, and Joshua feels Sanae pluck out enough to know that’s not a no before he strengthens his earlier imprint, the polite disinterest shifting to true appreciation, and Neku steps back as his face heats. The boy used to dream about stuff like this, Joshua knows, and his own smirk widens as he slips in next to Neku and presses against him. “You can tell him exactly how you want him,” Joshua whispers into his sweet conductor’s ear.

“Down, boy,” he snaps, and Joshua flickers down to kneel between them, his attention on Neku. The boy tries his best to look unimpressed, but Joshua hears otherwise, Neku’s mind stuttering a bit on the thought that maybe Joshua isn’t simply making fun of him. “Mr H,” he says, “you think this guy’ll ever learn respect?”

Oh, he is a good one. Sanae laughs. “You’ve worked miracles before, Neku,” the angel says, like it’s not a miracle they’re all still in existence, and he raps his knuckles on Joshua’s head.

They aren’t on nearly good enough terms for Joshua to accept that from him, and so he waits just long enough for Neku’s brow to furrow before sweeping his producer off his feet, all claws and fury as Sanae kicks him to protect himself. Sanae’s soul tastes delicious as he shreds parts of it on his fingertips, but Neku clears his throat and he freezes.

Sanae pats Joshua’s head again.

“You can call him Sanae,” Joshua says smoothly, already forgetting their squabble, and he relaxes his psi once it’s clear Neku won’t make an issue of it. Sanae needs killing rather frequently.

“That’s weird,” the boy says, after he’s sure Joshua isn’t about to commit random violence again, and he’s so _cute._

“Toranosuke?” Joshua offers. “Tenko? Tsubasa?”

The boy looks at him. “No.”

“They’ve all been my name,” Sanae says, patient, and Joshua feels suddenly alone. Of course; Neku’s too young to remember Sanae’s previous identities, and they’ve kept it simple for the benefit of Joshua’s human acquaintances. Not that they’ve had to, but he thinks Neku would object to either of them convincing the Bitou siblings that the cafe had always belonged to someone else.

“You’re Mr H,” Neku states, and Joshua drops it. His Neku is always so curiously intent when he leaves his shell, and this is no exception, the young reaper looking down at him like Joshua’s full of knives, and Joshua gazes up placidly.

His Neku’s so beautiful, but he seems content to wait for Joshua to move, and so move he does, edging back towards Sanae and silently ordering him to pet his hair. With Neku knowing whose decision it was, it’s wonderful, the boy watching Sanae massage Joshua’s scalp as Neku wonders when Joshua will see fit to discipline his producer again, and Joshua purrs, throaty and deliberate.

Sanae could groom him much more usefully if Joshua let him, but the attention is nearly as good, right on a part of his appearance Joshua has always taken pride in, and he pushes back into the angel’s hand as he closes his eyes, showing off and loving it.

Neku’s patience runs thin and he rubs his fingers together, possibly from stress but Joshua scrambles over anyway, happy to kneel at his conductor’s feet.

His Neku’s not quite enthusiastic, though Joshua never expected him to be, but he lies back on the couch and Joshua has the presence of mind to conjure him some pillows and a sheet, not to mention enough space he won’t risk falling off. Humans are so fragile, after all, that not even Neku’s death is an excuse for Joshua to slack off.

“You gonna put on a show for him?” Sanae murmurs, careful to let Neku hear, and Joshua hums, getting up onto his knees to draw attention to his perfect ass. “He thinks you look like a twit,” he adds, and he’s unfortunately correct.

Oh, if he has to. He glances back at Neku, his eyes hooded, and he doesn’t need to go digging to know Neku finds this getup unattractive. “Close your eyes for a moment,” he advises, and his Neku’s slow to respond, but respond he does. By the time Neku’s opened them again, he’s dressed like … like Sanae, actually, and he wishes dearly he had a better idea that works with this older form. He at least has proper dress socks rather than Sanae’s sandals, but his creativity failed him and his Sanae tries not to laugh, the traitor.

“I thought you said he’s a disaster,” Neku says, getting up, and Joshua can’t remember the last time he was this embarrassed. Neku grabs his collar and pulls him up effortlessly, and Joshua smiles weakly.

“Perhaps I’d be the same sort of disaster,” he says, though he really wouldn’t. His whites and blacks are the domain of the composer; he’s deadly certain that in another life he’d dress like his Tin Pin counterpart. But his Neku likes **him,** not dear Yoshiya, and he stands his ground. “There are only so many ways to be a disheveled professional, Neku.”

“You cut your clothes the same,” Sanae comments, and that’s a complete lie. Joshua cut his clothes like an orchestral conductor, thank you, and he makes a rude gesture towards the angel.

At least Neku appears to know better, and he pulls Joshua in to kiss him, no matter that Joshua failed to entertain. Joshua makes an appreciative noise as he embraces him, one hand on Neku’s waist and the other on his neck, and he thinks Neku likes Joshua seeming less breakable. At the very least, Neku’s rougher with him, and Joshua would very much like to bring him to the couch and overwhelm the poor boy until he can think of nothing but Joshua and his own pleasure.

Patience, composer, he reminds himself, and he hears his Neku touch Sanae’s psi with some suggestion or another. They shouldn’t try to leave him out of the loop, he grumbles to himself, but then Sanae’s pressed up to Joshua’s back and he freezes. “Relax, boss,” Sanae says into his ear, like there’s any way Joshua could, but Neku grinds against him and Joshua warbles. Both of his friends close enough to tear him apart, their focus on him so different from when it’s merely Sanae in two bodies again – he doesn’t know what to do, and he almost wants to bolt. It’s too much, too much, but they’re both his and he squeaks.

Neku tries to pull back to look at him, but Joshua’s claws tear into him to keep him **right where he is,** and he’d feel guilty if his conductor was still human. His Neku’s had worse, however, and Joshua fixes it quickly, repairing the damage and slipping into Neku’s mind to remove any unpleasantness, leaving only a sharp reminder of how much Joshua wants him there, wants them both with him forever.

It’s not possible, of course, and it’s Sanae who reminds him of it, nibbling on Joshua’s shoulder as Joshua tries to discover a whole new depth to kissing Neku thoroughly. He needs his lips bruised and his waist massaged and the breath stolen from him; he ought to think of Joshua every time he speaks, no matter where he goes. But no, Sanae pulls him away before Joshua can mark him a fraction as much he deserves, and he thinks Neku may be laughing at him.

“Your control’s slipping,” Neku informs him, and Joshua only waits in Sanae’s embrace for the boy to tell him something new. It’s been slipping for a long time, and now if anything goes wrong, Neku can catch it. Neku is a good boy – a good man, really, as much as he’ll always be so young to Joshua – and he’s Shibuya’s conductor. Why, Joshua doubts he could even seriously consider transferring, with how much of the city Joshua put in his head.

“He’s thinking too hard, too,” Sanae says, though he isn’t. He doubts that’s possible, in fact, and he feels Neku’s psi quest for his thoughts.

 _Nothing you need to worry about,_ Joshua replies quickly, but what if Neku wants to? He doesn’t, Joshua assures him, and it’s true: the less Neku sees of that black pit in Joshua’s mind, the happier he’ll be. Not all problems can be solved, and Joshua – why, Joshua can’t see a good thing without ruining it.

At least Neku is beautiful even now, and the boy looks between them both with an edge to his gaze that Joshua put there. “Josh, kiss Mr H,” he says with his voice hard, and he knows the boy’s no voyeur. He obeys all the same, because his Neku knows he’s often wanted to, and if it’s more cold and dispassionate than it had been, Neku won’t know the difference.

Except he does, Joshua broadcasting more than he’d like, and he feels Sanae try to coax him back into feeling his body. Let their bodies be warm and Sanae’s lips chapped, his chest soft with a bit of fat, and this has been the person he trusts most for decades. The person he loved most, and he doesn’t want the connection, doesn’t want to reconcile _but he hurt me_ with the bone deep knowledge of the kind of person Sanae is, and the kind he isn’t.

But Neku is there. His conductor comes in close behind him, and part of him wants to erase whoever would make him face his vulnerability, but Neku only asked. Joshua told him he would follow orders, and Joshua will; he wants to, and with Neku behind him it’s easier to force awareness of his hands and grope his producer in truth and not simply as a display. Sanae’s vibe is too strong for Joshua to grab hold of, but he pulls down the parts of the angel tied to Shibuya and forces his will: you are _**mine,**_ and serve me at my pleasure.

Joshua can make him leave, too.

It’s a strange thought, almost heretical, but he _can._ Sanae’s been pardoned, now that the taboo noise is fully gone. His actions are retroactively justified, or at least permissible, and Joshua doesn’t need to keep him close to protect him. If he wanted, he could order Sanae transferred right now and Sanae would still be himself if and when he wants him back.

He laughs, cruel but free, and he feels his Neku leave to raid the kitchen rather than witness his composer let loose. That’s fine, Joshua decides, content that Neku isn’t repulsed by him, and he shoves his producer down as Sanae raises his eyebrows, the man disappointed rather than afraid and _hiding nothing._ Nothing Joshua ever does to him again will have consequences. Sanae’s untouchable.

“I haven’t seen you this pissed since your show got canceled,” Sanae says, conversational, but Joshua isn’t _pissed._ Oh, no. He’s _thrilled,_ and he conjures a knife to cut Sanae’s shirt off, navel to neck, as the man swallows unnecessarily like he’s actually afraid. Joshua knows better, however.

“I’m not angry with you, Sanae,” he says, grinding down on the man’s crotch, and he truly isn’t! No, this is the joy of _unadulterated loathing,_ and Joshua never would have realized it if he hadn’t tried oh so hard for Neku to get along with the man. It’s an easy mistake to make, he supposes: Joshua’s so rarely disliked anyone that of course he’d forget the feeling. “I haven’t been able to rely on you for a while, have I. Not since you realised I’m unstable and _left me composer anyway._ ”

“Josh, you’re not unstable,” he says back, and Joshua stabs him. The man’s already dead so it’s less effective than Joshua would like, but he can always try again! And again, and again, and – it occurs to him that while Neku may not know the _shunk_ of a knife hitting home, he’s perfectly capable of recognizing that Joshua’s laughing altogether too much and grabbing his hand to keep him from stabbing more.

Sanae gestures with the arm he’s not using to hold his (completely _fake_ ) guts in: _you see what I have to deal with?_

Joshua vanishes some of the blood, and tries not to be sheepish about it.

“Are you done?” Neku says. Joshua shrugs, still holding the knife. “Is this some kind of kink thing I need to not hear about?”

“… Yes?” Joshua hazards, though truthfully he has no idea. It seems to be the correct answer, however, as Neku shakes his head and returns to the kitchen, grumbling and cursing about how fucking Joshua can’t act fucking normal for one goddamn second; he swears if Josh ever gets like that with him …

Joshua wonders if the boy even realizes he no longer stops to breathe, and absently stabs Sanae again. “I really do hate you, you know,” he says, and Sanae laughs wetly, the drama queen. All he’s done is cut muscle and perhaps expose his intestines a little, and the man can’t get an infection. Joshua doubts he even registers pain, at least beyond the taste of his composer’s impotent disappointment, and he buries his head into the man’s bloodied collarbone. He wants – something he has no name for.

“You don’t tune down enough,” Sanae murmurs, and Joshua supposes he’s right. He lets Sanae manhandle him, turning him so his back is to Sanae’s bloody chest, and Joshua rumbles appreciatively. He supposes he can permit Sanae to remind him a little more of human sensation, and the angel does, drawing his attention to the rise and fall of Sanae’s chest as he breathes and his heart beats. What touching a warm body feels like, what textures clothing has. Joshua listens to the imprint carefully, ready to flee if it becomes too much, but his Sanae is a professional and Joshua inhales with caution.

It’s cold down here.

What does the air of his domain smell like to those who breathe? He doesn’t know. It’s immaterial, however, and he elbows Sanae’s mutilated gut as Sanae nips his shoulder, his CAT’s fangs tinged with noise. It hurts in a way Joshua recognizes, and he tilts his head to let Sanae continue.

Neku is squeamish, he remembers, so as Sanae hurts him just enough to keep his attention off the strangeness of bodies, he hums the wounds he’d inflicted closed. There’s no true damage, but Sanae relaxes anyway, and Joshua thinks he may have calmed enough to try what he desires. He checks that Sanae has no objections, and then his attention flits to his Neku, quiet in the kitchen.

And seething in frustration. It’s Joshua’s fault, of course – he really does need to use his toys better – but the poor child knows depressingly little of what to _do_ with a kitchen and only wanted to give his composer space. _It’s all right,_ Joshua tells him, pulling on their pact and Shibuya to help Neku believe it, and Neku carefully pokes his head out. “Are you done?” he asks, voice flat, and Joshua stands up, chastised.

“I don’t intend on more violence,” he offers, but Neku and Sanae both know how far his intentions go when the results are inconsequential. He tries to look apologetic all the same, and it must work as Neku teleports next to him. Ah, what a good boy he is. He’s so patient with Joshua’s eccentricities, and he so rarely keeps his irritation in the face of Joshua’s natural charm.

He runs his hand through his hair like he wants to be frustrated, but now is no exception. “You’re always like this,” he sighs, but he lets Joshua pull him into a kiss all the same. A few moments of reluctance and there: that’s what Joshua was looking for, and he steps back without releasing Neku. Neku lets himself be guided, and he’s perfect, completely perfect.

Joshua’s careless as he sits back on Sanae’s lap, his friend gripping his waist as claim, and Neku bends to not let him go, his mind busy with things that are really very simple. “You want the stupid threesome,” he mutters, and yes, Joshua does. He pulls back enough to consider Joshua and his Sanae, then reaches a conclusion: he drops to his knees, his head between Joshua’s legs in a way that’s hard to misinterpret.

Joshua dislikes it intensely.

He nudges Neku’s head away enough to remind the boy who’s the composer here and looks him over seriously, uncaring if he seems cruel. He’s told Neku his sexuality has little to do with a human one, but perhaps the boy thinks he can push, and he’s not quite wrong. “I get little from that,” he says, and he tries to lift Neku’s chin with two of his fingers.

Neku watches him levelly, but he doesn’t get up. Absently, Joshua regrets giving the boy enough information to tell when he’s lying, but it’s much too late to do anything about it without moulding him into another Megumi. “You can tune down,” he says back, and such disrespect! Joshua almost wants to make his opinion on that clear.

But he chose his Neku for a reason. “You know how often I do that,” he demures, and the boy does, though he thinks he doesn’t. Reapers always have such a glamorous view of composing; it’s almost charming. Nevertheless, Neku’s been present most times Joshua’s attempted normalcy, and it’s strange to know the boy believes in him. He sighs, but he increases the volume of his physical awareness anyway. It can’t hurt _too_ much.

The air on his skin, still and stagnant; his shirt, constricting around his neck; the unnatural blue tinge to his lights, reflecting off the floor – everything feels so much more immediate when it’s happening to him, and he could laugh at how nothing is actually _happening._ He’s pathetic. He’s really, truly pathetic, and either he’s too loud or he’s lost control of his body because his Neku jerks up to see what’s wrong with him.

Everything is wrong with him, Neku, and he pulls his upper lip into a sneer even though it makes his nose feel weird. “I’m not delicate,” he snaps, and his chest wants him to cough. His chest can stuff it.

Neku’s mouth opens like he wants to ask something, but Joshua may actually kill someone if he has to answer right now, and he’s disgustingly relieved when the boy thinks better of it. Instead, he looks to Sanae, and Joshua may run if the boy says a word against him. “Is this normal?” he tries, and Joshua is a sample size of _one,_ thank you! Nothing is normal with either of them, not by any standards. He is a singular being, even among composers.

And his Sanae wraps his arms around Joshua as his lip curls. He has no desire to be coddled, and Sanae’s warmth and pressure isn’t comforting. It _isn’t._ “Most composers who go down don’t go up again, if you get my meaning,” Sanae says with a shrug, and he’s going to give the poor boy the wrong idea.

“It’s not _dangerous,_ ” Joshua says quickly, though his stupid useless body certainly thinks it is. “It’s simply not **done.** ” Not by choice, and he thinks of when he tossed a worthless excuse for a composer down to the realground himself. That was a day, and he relaxes into Sanae’s grip just thinking about it. He hopes Neku won’t take it too badly when it finally happens to Joshua. It’s not as though Joshua’s erasure would be a tragedy.

But Neku makes that face he always does when he knows Joshua’s thinking about his inevitable demise again, and seeing that concern makes him sink into Sanae’s lap for more reasons than one. He’s not worth it, Neku. “Mr H, can you keep him there?”

“I can do better than that, if you’d like,” he replies, and Joshua’s not certain how Sanae adjusts him. Moving his weight around, he supposes, but all he understands is a discomfort he hadn’t noticed is gone and he’s slightly more on Sanae’s legs.

Neku nods seriously, and then bends down enough to kiss Joshua’s forehead, just like Joshua does to him. It feels very strange, but Joshua closes his eyes for it anyway and lets out a low whine. Neku should serve him _all day._

That’s less fun than it sounds, Joshua reminds himself, and his beautiful perfect Neku kneels in front of him again, patiently waiting for Joshua’s permission. He’s so much like Megumi, and yet completely different.

But Joshua still makes the same mistakes. “I’ll try not to kill you again,” he says blandly, and if injuring Megumi was disappointing, hurting Neku when he inevitably loses control is downright distasteful. The boy looks up at him like he’s wondering if he should be worried, and Joshua shrugs.

“He won’t squash you with me around,” Sanae promises, and he thinks Neku’s biting back a _he shouldn’t squash me at all._ Certainly Joshua prefers not to, but he prefers to keep his expectations realistic. They both wait for Neku to accept the way things are, and once he seems resolved again, Joshua inhales unnecessarily as Sanae wraps his arms around his waist and undoes Joshua’s fly.

Sanae keeps his hands so workmanlike, he thinks absently, and he admires the little scars Sanae keeps for show as he gets Joshua’s current dick out of his underwear. He hopes Neku appreciates it, as simple as Neku’s tastes are, and from the boy’s expression it more than meets approval. He looks at his dick with enough focus Joshua wants to tune back up and feast only on that, but Neku wouldn’t understand.

Instead he breathes, slow and deliberate, his chest tightening and expanding in a way that feels extremely unnatural. Neku must notice, but he says nothing, and Joshua watches carefully as Neku takes his dick in hand. It’s – no, he’s fine, he’s fine, and he shivers as he tries to ignore the instincts screaming at him to disengage. “Neku,” he says uselessly, and he’s grateful to Sanae for keeping him put.

“Yeah?” Neku asks. Joshua says nothing, and Neku runs his hand along his dick, his fingers light as he watches Joshua shake. He’s a very good boy, and he’d let Joshua keep as little physical awareness as he pleases if Joshua insisted. But Neku deserves for him to try, at the least, and he lightly bounces his foot off Neku’s back. “What?”

“He wants you to kill him,” Sanae advises the boy, as sage as ever, but thankfully his Neku doesn’t take him seriously.

“I want you to do what you want,” Joshua corrects, and he wishes his Neku was more convinced. He doesn’t call him on it, however, and so Joshua can keep it to himself that no matter what Neku does, Joshua still feels as if he’s about to die. He doesn’t mind. “Neku.”

“You keep saying my name,” he grumbles, but he stops listening and then he’s kissing Joshua’s cock. The thing twitches under his mouth without Joshua even meaning to, and Neku smirks as he takes it in. It’s one of the strangest things Joshua’s felt in a while, but he holds himself still all the same, no matter that he wants to yelp. Sanae bites his ear, his arms tight around Joshua’s chest, and Joshua gives in and squirms noisily.

No one should expect a composer to be _quiet,_ and Joshua has no reason to save face. “Neku,” he says again, uncaring if his conductor finds it annoying, and the boy presses his tongue against the bottom of the head as Joshua kicks him again, not deliberately but not concerned about it, either. His conductor’s a sturdy sort, and indeed the boy only hints at teeth in retaliation.

“Easy, there,” Sanae murmurs, but Joshua’s never taken anything easy in his death. He whines hopefully as Neku keeps going, licking the tip and not bothering to show off, and Sanae laughs at him. Joshua is only as desperate as the situation warrants, thank you, and Sanae’s teeth in his neck is – very good, actually, and Joshua calls out his conductor’s name again.

Neku is a good boy and Joshua wants him to know it. Neku, Neku, Neku – he keeps crooning his name even as Sanae tells him to shush, and he grinds down against his producer to keep himself from choking the poor boy. Neku’s too used to the living world to skip breathing, and Joshua sprawls back enough to make Sanae lean away.

He’s such a marvelous specimen of humanity, and Joshua’s grateful he cut the boy’s hair to keep the resemblance to Megumi down. It means he has nothing to hold onto, however, and so he clings to Sanae’s pockets. “Neku,” he says again, and he blanks out, Sanae pulling his consciousness away until he can process his body again.

It’s not as though Joshua was going to erase anyone, Sanae, but he feels Sanae’s dubious and supposes the angel’s right to be. He’s really not meant for this sort of thing, and he slips back into his physical vessel without Neku noticing he’d left. The boy has a white streak outside his mouth, and Joshua pulls him up to lick it off, vibrating contentedly. Neku will notice soon enough that Joshua went back to his usual frequency, but for now he’s proud of his accomplishment as Joshua nuzzles against him and jerks him off, his hands expertly calloused where Neku ought to like it.

The boy finishes quickly, and then he’s boneless against Joshua just like he ought to be, Sanae holding him close. Joshua could spend all week sandwiched between the two of them, but Neku seems uncertain, his back stiff under Sanae’s hands until the angel closes his eyes and radiates serenity. Neku’s too independent to succumb to it on his own, but Joshua accepts it freely and the boy can’t withstand it on two fronts, falling asleep into Joshua’s care.

Sanae shifts into his noise forms, a magnificent lion curling around Joshua and his conductor as the tiger hops down to get some work done, and Joshua pets his Neku absently. Is Joshua truly at his best with Sanae as his producer? He loves the man dearly, but his Neku is an intelligent sort, and before Joshua rewrote him … The boy hated Sanae, no matter that he tried not to show it, and perhaps Joshua’s making the same mistakes as with Megumi again by removing it. He can’t simply excise every emotion that inconveniences him. Well, he can, but it removes the fun from death.

He mulls it over, then lets his conductor wake, the boy only under long enough for Joshua to clean him. He’s bleary as he comes to, his neck objecting to the positions Joshua leaves him in, but he doesn’t seem to realize Joshua’s intervention and he sits up complacently enough. Neku is a good boy, and he would have become a good man if Joshua let him.

But Shibuya has needs, and Joshua will keep him happy enough. “Not what I expected from a date night,” Neku says eventually, and Joshua supposes he _was_ a tad misleading.

“Does it bother you?” he asks, and the boy shrugs. So it did, but he’ll get over it, and Joshua brushes Neku’s bangs out of his face. How to raise the topic … He leans forward to kiss Neku again, playful, but the boy’s mind is on classes and he barely reciprocates. Joshua takes no offense, imprinting into his conductor’s mind so he’ll remember whatever he was thinking about later, then sits back. “I’m considering reassigning Sanae,” he admits.

Neku is slow to react, his new opinions on the angel not yet settled into his wings, but the lion grunts acknowledgement and Joshua flicks his ear. “Why are you telling me?” Neku says, and Joshua supposes he has the right to distrust him. It’s hardly as though Joshua has cared for Neku’s opinion on the man.

“Anyone sent to replace him would be a complete stranger,” Joshua explains, and that already feels like a reason not to. Sanae may think little of him, but Joshua’s used to that. If a replacement betrayed him, Joshua doesn’t know if he could bear it. “He changed your life as well, Neku.”

“Yeah, by being CAT,” he drawls, and didn’t Joshua remove that ill-feeling? “You said it yourself: any one of us could do it. He’s nothing special.”

`He's right, boss,` Sanae says, and how dare they. How dare they both, when Joshua needs them so much, and he wants to – he wants to –

There’s nothing he can do, and Sanae shifts back to human form to cluck his tongue, always the mother hen. Neku gets up to give Joshua some space, no matter that Joshua’s tempted to claw him into staying put, and he digs his fingers into Sanae instead. They’ve both been plotting against him, and it’s Joshua’s own fault. He could have left well enough alone, but he’s never been good at that, has he.

And his Neku almost looks pitying, which is the worst of it. There’s nothing to pity him for; everything he’s done, he’s done knowingly. He laughs, covering his face as he softens, and he silently tells Sanae to embrace him. The angel’s always so good at feeling solid when no one else does, but any other angel would be just as skilled, and perhaps then … perhaps Joshua can learn to trust his conductor as he should, once he’s less attached to the spectre of his mentor.

He glances back at Neku, and Sanae nods. “You’ll come back if I ask?” Joshua asks, and he’s so pathetic.

“'course,” the angel says. Then he really should send him away; there’s no reason not to. He stands up, hating himself, and inclines his head to his Neku.

It’s Neku’s victory in the end, and the poor boy doesn’t even realize how smug he should feel. Not that Joshua wants him to gloat – that’s Joshua’s prerogative, and he’s little patience for anyone who oversteps that boundary – but it’s strange that he won’t, and he reaches up to touch the top of Neku’s head. He’s so pretty, his old aloof compassion and fear of betrayal hammered out into a quiet acceptance and frustration at how people could be better, and any composer would be proud of the success story.

Neku’s face softens a little, and twenty is a good age on him, Joshua thinks. Certainly better than fifteen, though if Joshua had to pick when he was prettiest, it would be right before Joshua buried his claws in and pruned away the chance of him leaving. He sighs uselessly, brushing aside Neku’s bangs, and the boy puts his hand on Joshua’s head in return, pressing down hard enough a human might find it uncomfortable.

“You’re doing the thing again,” Neku observes, though there’s many ‘things’ Joshua could be doing.

He knows what Neku means, however, so he shrugs and laughs before kissing his conductor, the subject change clumsier than the act itself. Neku must know what he’s up to, but he allows it all the same, and Joshua can feel him perfectly aware of Sanae’s presence. The angel may as well be decor, for all Neku cares, and Joshua wonders if he’ll ever learn to want something without changing his mind the moment he has it.

Well, he has plenty of time to learn. C’est la mort.

**Author's Note:**

> Wow, this took a while to finish. I've actually been working on this off and on since ... forever, basically, but it didn't coalesce until a bit after I finished the monster of a longfic. And now I am hopefully actually done with the plot of that longfic. I might still write more TWEWY stories, but they won't be dependent on the longfic monster, hopefully.
> 
> I have an 18+ [TWEWY discord server](https://discord.gg/wpbH4Rp) that's friendly to all ships, if you want to come chat. I'm always interested in converting more people to Joshua -> Kitaniji, lmao.


End file.
